THE BEST WAY TO ASK YOUR CHILD A QUESTION.

Parents and teachers spend their days engaging children, often through asking a variety of questions that may look like “Are you hungry?”, “What should we play?”, “What did you do at school today?”. Routine questions help caregivers meet their children’s needs, and question asking is a great way to engage children during play and shared book reading. Questions asked by adults can be simple or complex, and are often one of the first ways a child begins to understand the back and forth turn taking that makes up a conversation. However, there are ways that we, as adults, can ask questions specifically to help facilitate and support language development in young children. 

Early Talkers, Age 12-24 Months:

For early talkers, it can be easy for adults to rely primarily on “yes/no” questions to find out what their child might want or need. Children can answer “yes” or “no” verbally, or through gestures such as nodding their head or swatting their hand towards an offered item. Young children are generally good at answering “yes/no” questions, and their response, be it verbal or a gesture, is easily understood by the question asker. Yet, children can come to rely heavily on this form of interaction, and use “yes” and “no” instead of working to expand their expressive vocabulary. If you find yourself in the habit of always posing this close-ended question style, try asking a more open-ended question with choices. For example, if a question like “what do you want to eat?” is too broad for your child to answer, you can instead offer choices such as “would you like crackers or berries?”. Remember to wait after asking and give your child time to both process the question (understand what you’ve asked), and formulate their response (answer you). Showing the child the options may be helpful too, but try to push them beyond pointing to the desired item and encourage them to label it as well. During play with young children, instead of asking yes/no questions such as “should we make the cow eat grass?” or “is the cow eating grass?”, offer an open ended question such as “what’s the cow doing?” or “what’s the cow eating?” and then model an appropriate answer: “cow eating”, “cow eat”, “cow is eating”, “cow eating grass”, “eating grass”. 

2+ Talkers:

For children 2 years and older, beware of asking open ended questions that are too large in scope. Often once children have established the ability to talk and engage in back and forth conversation, adults may assume that they also have a more advanced ability to recall events and share narratives from past experiences. Questions about a child’s day at school or daycare may seem like an easy and obvious way to strike up a conversation or engage meaningfully, often these questions are met with “I don’t know” or the same short answer each time. Even though it sounds simple, a question like “What did you do today?” is in fact a very challenging question for many children. It is open ended, requires recall of their day, and if nothing particularly unique or exciting happened, then it is even harder for them to generate a response. Parents may notice that children best remember events that are outside the ordinary routine, but these may not be the norm during a day in pre-school or daycare. Instead of asking “what happened at school today?”, try a question like “Who did you sit next to at snack?” or “what song did you sing a circle time?”. If your child has difficulty answering, you can offer a guess which may help jog their memory. Once they’ve answered your question, you can further the conversation by saying “tell me more” or “I’d love to know what else you and Sally did together today”. 

4+ Kiddos:

If you’re looking for new and interesting ways to engage older children in meaningful conversation, try modeling concepts such as curiosity and wonder. Instead of a question like “What did you do at school today?” which may be met with a brief reply, you might ask “I’m wondering what made you laugh with your friends today” or “Was there anything that made you feel extra smart/strong/brave/silly/friendly/kind/confused during your day at school?”. You can also facilitate your child’s ability to ask you meaningful questions by modeling these sorts of interactions. You can prompt your child by making a statement such as “I had a moment today where I laughed so hard at the funniest thing!” or “This morning I was feeling extra curious about ___, you’ll never guess what I did!”. With children this age, be sure to load your questions and responses with lots of colorful descriptive language (adjectives, adverbs) to continue to help them grow their vocabulary and enhance their narrative skills.